Before we tackle the why - let's consider this. How much harm are unspoken expectations causing your relationship? Pause for a second, and reflect on what's coming up as you ask yourself this question. The invisible expectations that we place on our partner(s) can eventually grow into feelings of resentment, particularly when you feel like you are investing more into your relationship than your significant other(s).
So let's start by challenging our own perspectives. Are we truly pouring more into our relationship cup, or are we looking for our partner(s) contributions in the wrong cup. One way to do that is by recognizing what love langugage you and your partner(s) fall under. How do you both express love? Does that expression look different? Can we bring ourselves to recognize and appreciate our partner's expression of love?
Okay.. so we've done some reflection and come to the conclusion that we truly are putting in more than we are getting in our relationship. As we prepare to have a conversation with our partner(s) let's recognize that our relationship might not always have a perfect 50/50 split. Some days we might need to pour a little bit more into our relationship cup, whilst our partner is refueling their juice. What is more important than a 50-50 split, is clarity on the expectations we have for our relationship.
So as you step into having this conversation with your partner, ensure that you are clear that this is not an attack, but rather a conversation that seeks to emphasize togetherness and a partnership. Give clear examples of instances that concerned you. This allows you and your partner(s) to more efficiently offer solutions. What could we be doing differently now that we've identified a specific problem? Use "I" statements. Don't characterize your partner(s) behaviors as being good or bad. Offer concrete solutions that stress dual-effort. Your partner needs to know that you are in this with them. Relationships are work, they require constant fine tuning and enhancement. So, don't throw in the towel just yet!